Could Someone Please Take the "Kick Me" Sign Off My Back?

I'm reading this book about trusting yourself. It reminds us that we all have a little voice inside us that gives us advice. This voice is impartial and not affected by emotions. The voice gives you the truth, no matter what. What the book neglects to tell you is how to hear this voice, and how to listen to this voice.

This book also talks about your outlook on life. It all makes sense, really. If you believe positive things, than positive things will happen. If you believe negative things, than negative things will happen. Easy enough to understand, right? But what if it doesn't work that way? What if you believe positive things, but negative things always seem to happen. And what if there is so much negativity in your life that never seems to end. How the hell do you break the curse?

I find myself up to my neck in this stuff. And I can't help but wonder: Am I just jinxed? Is there a sign on my back that says "Kick me?"

And why, I keep asking myself, is it always happening to me? I know what I sound like, believe me. I sound like an eternal pessimist. I really don't mean to be. I swear. I know I've been wallowing in self-pitting throughout my divorce, and I'm sorry, but I don't think you can blame me for that one. But I really thought I had gotten past that. That I'd gotten on with my life and began to look ahead...to be happy with where my life was headed...the glass was finally half full!

This thing with Jeff put me right back into the quicksand that I had just gotten out of. My dad always like to say: "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." But I'm wondering...can't he share it with someone else, because thanks anyway, but my plate is full. Speaking of God, I find myself questioning my faith. Granted, I'm not a continual church goer, I admit. But I do believe that there is a God out there; that there is good and evil; that you should live you life as an example of how to be kind to others. So why, then, Dear Lord, did you put all this on my shoulders?

What wrong did I commit to warrant this massive mess that is my life? And now, when I need you most of all, why are you not listening to and helping me? If you were standing here right now, this is what I would ask of you, and I apologize for the length of the list:

1. Mend my broken heart. Help me stop loving the man I built my future dreams around. Help me stop thinking every minute of every day of him, the things we did, the times we spent together, the future we won't have, and the love I can't seem to end.
2. Fix the problems with my kids (specifically, my daughter). I've been a good mother. I know this. And I love my children above everything else. I'm really trying on this one, Lord, can you please help me out a little?
3. Help me decide the future of my career. Do I continue with my business despite the problems, set backs, and amount of effort it takes to keep it going? Or do I throw in the towel, get a nice simple 9-5 job with a paycheck and benefits?
4. Help me to be a better person. A better mother, daughter, sister, friend, employer, aunt.
5. Help me let go of my past. Of the pain, of the memories, of the lasting effects of a relationship that was so wrong.
6. Help me understand that there is pain and hardship in all our lives. Help me to be a strong person. To expect the challenges before me. To stand on my own two feet. To ask for help when I need it and to be there to help others.
7. Help me to live in the present and appreciate what I have around me right now. Help me to stop living in the past and hoping for the future.

Seven things. Not so bad, right? I need you now. Aunt Esther, I haven't asked for much help lately,I know. But I'm asking you to help me now, please. Please help me get the "Kick me" sign off my back once and for all.